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Indian IT Jokes : Digital Ramayana

PART-I

      LAN, LAN ago, in the land of I/O-dhya, there ruled a  king  named  DOS-rat.  Three  queens  had  he - CONSOLE-ya, CHECKSUM-itra and  CIE/CAE  (Kaikeyi).  However,  he  had no line drivers - i.e. no one to perpetuate  his  line.  In  sheer  desperation,  he performed a great sacrifice after  which his queens gave birth to four sons - RAM, LSIman, BUG-rat and  SED-rughana. RAM was a microchip off the old block - he had  an excellent  memory,  he logged in quickly and semi-conducted himself in a manner fit for a king.  His brothers,   however,  were  only  perpheralI  ICs; everytime  RAM addressed them, they said, "I-C".  Once when RAM was  only  sixteen  years  old,  the great sage Vish-WAN-mitra sought his help to fight some  DAEMONs   who   persistently   RAIDed   his hermitage.   After  a  brief  collision, RAM routed them so easily that he came to  be  called  DAEMON

  ROUTER.

      RAM then proceeded  to  Media,  where  he  married Pricess  C+ta.  C+ta's  sisters, who were not her blood  sisters  and  hence  called  TRAN-sisters, married  RAM's ICs. This ceremony came to be known as  TTL.  On  the  way  back  to  I/O-dhya,   the entourage  met  Parasu-ROM  (or  P-ROM  as  he was better known), the scourge of the kshatriyas.  Taking up  the P-ROM challenge, RAM aimed an  arrow at  him; he threatened to takeaway P-ROM's powers of locomotion, thereby converting  him  to  Static RAM.  P-ROM  humbly  withdrew  and the procession reached I/O-dhya.

              Twelve years passed and DOS-rat decided  to  crown  RAM  as  his  successor.  However, CIE/CAE, at the  instigation of her BIOSed maid MANtharai(a  real   plotter), insisted  that her son Bug-rat be crowned king and that RAM  be banished to the  FOR(;;)est  for  fourteen years.  At  this  cruel  and  unexpected demAND, a surge  passed  thru  DOS-rat  and  he   CRASHED,  power-less.  RAM agreed to go to FOR(;;)est and C+ta insisted to go with  him.  She  said  that  at  the  time  of her marriage, her father had advised her  to follow the footsteps of her husband like a shadow, hence, she came to be  called SHADOW-RAM. LSI-man was  also  resolved  on  accompanying  his  brother as a SLAVE LSI.  Unable to bear separation,   DOS-rat died, setting  the  precedent  that  no   system   could function  in the absence of RAM.  The forest was the dwelling  of  SPARC-nakha,  the  sister  of  RAW-van,  King of LAN-ka. Attracted by RAM's stature, she  proposed that he marry her. RAM routed her to LSI-man, who also politely  declined.  Perceiving C+ta to  be  the  source  code  of  her distress, she  hastened to kill her.

              At this stage LSI-man executed the Memory resident  code  and  converted  SPARC-naak to SPARC-no-naak. He   TRUNCATED her nose.   Weeping, SPARC-no-naak fled to LAN-ka, where  RAW-van, moved  by sisters plight, approached his uncle MAR-icha.  Ignoring MAR-icha's compilation  warnings  not  to RISC  SPARC-ing  a  war  with  RAM, he insisted on going ahead.   Accordingly,  MAR-icha  transformed himself  into the form of golden sTAG and drew RAM deep into the  forest.

      Finally, tired of chase, RAM shot the  deer,  who, with  his  last  breath, cried out desperately for LSI-man in RAM's voice.  Fooled  by  this  Virtual RAM cry, C+ta urged LSI-man to his brothers aid.  Catching the  opportunity,  RAW-van  delinked  C+ta from her library and changed her root  directory to LAN-ka by BROADCASTING her over sky.     

      PART-II

      RAM  and  LSI-man  started  FINDing for the missing  i-node,  c+ta  all   over  the  forest.  They  made friendship with  the  forest admin SU-greev and his powerful co-processor ha-NEUMAN.  ha-NEUMAN  was  a legendary  figure. He had a swollen   cheek ARCHITECTURE. He was a child  prodigy  and   came up with newer methedologies and techniques which inspired many others.In particular his RAM mantra  technique became extremely popular for generations.  SU-greev  agreed to  help RAM but first wanted help from  RAM  to   delete   his   own root node VAALI.(   valli?)  SU-greev's  intention was  obvious. He wanted to be the  only  admin  around  &  wanted to grab all the consulting jobs in the forest. RAM fought with VALLI and  surprised him using some un-documented  features.VALLI cried foul and started complaining to  the justice  department saying that it was not a fair fight.RAM then convinced everyone  using his trademark MICRO SOFT WORDs coupled with a few FREE vedic goodies.Though some of the onlookers such as ORACLE (seer)and pancha bhutas  such as SUN, disagreed with RAM's micro soft touch,they all shut their  mouths  fearing  RAM's  reach among the user community.  SU-greev was happy with the outcome and ordered his programmers  to  use powerful 'search' techniques to find the missing c+ta. His programmers  searched all around  the  INTER-NETworked  forests. Some of them shouted 'YAA-HOO'  but  ended up  with 'not found' messages.  Several  other search  techniques proved useless.

      ha-NEUMAN  using  a  radically  different  paradigm devised a RISKy  technology and used it to cross the seas  at  astonishing  clock  speeds. On the way he bumped with a few satellite signals but was able to avoid  deflections due to his own high strength.  As  soon  as  ha-NEUMAN  reached  LAN-ka, he had to collide   with   its firewall  called  LAN-ki.  The  firewall made disperate  attempts to stop ha-NEUMAN entering  into  its  internal  web,  but  the great ha-NEUMAN   detected   a   loop  hole  in  LAN-ki's firewall.  Using  micro code, he broke the security and entered  LAN-ka.

      After doing some local search, ha-NEUMAN found C+ta weeping  under  the  weight  of  a  TREE structure.  ha-NEUMAN used a unique key-id  (ring)  to  identify himself to C+ta.  After  decrypting  the  key, C+ta believed in  him  and  asked him to send a STATUS_OK message to RAM through RING  topology.  Meanwhile  all  the raakshasa BUGS around C+ta tied ha-NEUMAN   and  tried  to  terminate   him  using pyro-techniques.  But  ha-NEUMAN  managed  to spread chaos  among  the  raakshasas by SPAMMING the fire using some side effects.

      Several  raakshasa programmers were later called to restore the  operational  stability  in  LAN-ka.  ha-NEUMAN happily escaped LAN-ka again  and conveyed all the STATUS messages to RAM and SU-greev. RAM  felt  happy  with  ha-NEUMAN's  methedology of  execution  and  embarked  on  a  project code named EXPLORER to delete the netESCAPING RAW-wan. He even  created a bridge and GATEWAY to acess LAN-ka network  In  the  mean  time,  signs were apparent in LAN-ka about  the  imminent  danger  from  RAM's  project EXPLORER, but RAW-wan refused to  budge.  Sensing  disaster,  his  own   sub-program   called  vibhee-SHUN,   executed   a 'GO TO'   statement and branched  out to RAM's camp. RAW-wan still insisted on taking the  all powerful RAM head-on.  He decided to use the boons given to him by SUN,  sHIVa etc.and prepared  for  the  battle  on a  remote  island on LAN-ka  called JAVA.  He thought that his presence in  JAVA will give him victory over  RAM.

      RAM and his entourage made small and buggy progress in  the  begining  but  the  world community on the whole started watching them with  awe.  In the battle on JAVA island, it appeared initially that RAM had no  chance.

  In  fact  one of  the  RAW-wan's  SUN  indrajIT(son)   almost killed  RAM & LSI-man with  a powerful brahma-astra called  JAVA-BEAN.  It appeared for a while that the world  has  seen the end of  RAM's MICRO SOFT touch.  But ha-NEUMAN resorted  to  some ACTIVE-Xgradients  from HILL GATES and  concocted  a  potion  using  some  herbs.   His powerful  HERBAL-COMPUTER  aided him in making this potion which  restarted RAM and LSI-man.   Appearing,  reluctant  RAM  used  the  source  code   secrets  of  RAW-wan given by  vibhee-SHUN and once   and  for  all wiped  out RAW-wan's presense  on the  earth. Before that he even SCHEDULED RAW-wan to come   next   day when all his resources were locked up bu RAM's virus  weapons  He  proved  again  that even the  so  called invincible  RAW-wan  cannot be  netESCAPED from his power.  After the battle, RAM spreaded his MICRO SOFT WORKS and  other  user  friendly  programs  to  all users across  the  world  and  every  one lived  happily thereafter.

      END OF DIGITAL RAMAYANA

 

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