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Bollywood Jokes : Gandhi - Bollywood Style

After the grand failure of epic film 'Gandhi' at the box office, Richard Attenborough appointed a committee of renowned and successful Bollywood.
It was decided that name of the film 'Gandhi' was not colourful. Following names were suggested:

  •  Lathi Bani JWAALA
  •  Charkha Gaye Geet Sunaye
  •  Adventures of Kasturba & Mohan in South Africa
  •  Khaadi Rang Layegi
  •  GANDHI ki AANDHI
  •  Deshpremi
  •  Khaana Chhod Dunga
  •  UJDA Chaman
  •  Saabarmati ka Dulaara
  •  Aatma aur Mahaatma
  •  Mahatma No. I
  •  Charkhe ki Awaaz
  •  Goray ki **** Pe Laathi Mar
  •  Laathi se Ajaadi Tak
  •  Gandhi No. I
  •  Mission Gandhi
  •  Mei Mohan tu Kastur
  •  Mere Mohan Pyare
  •  Fatichaar
  •  Kadkaram Mohanlal
  •  Mei Khiladi, Aur Mohan Anaadi
  •  1947, A love story
  •  Meri Kasturba, mera Pyar
  •  Pattgayi Kastur

    It was also realized that the dialogues did not have that Bollywood fizz'. Following dialogues were suggested:
    1.(Situation : First scene of the movie where Godse fires bullets into Gandhi's chest)
    Nathuram : Isi din ka mujhe bachpan se intazaar tha, kamine, ab bachke kahan jayega?
    Gandhi: Ye lo - tumhare saamne seena taanke khada hun. himmat hai to chala goli. Are, aisi goli ab tak nahi bani jo gandhi ka seena paarKare.
    Nathuram fires...Gandhi dies on the spot.
    Nathuram: Maa, maine tumhe diya hua vachan nibhaya hai. Ab tumhari aatma ko shanti milegi.

    2.(Situation : Gandhi is being thrown out of train in South Africa)
    Gandhi: Ye kaisa insaaf hai bhagwan? Suna tha bhagwan ke ghar der hai, andher nahi. Ab tumhi meri laaj rakho bhagwan... (His baggage gets thrown out of the train behind him. His mother's photo is smashed to pieces. Gandhi looks at the photo, slowly his eyes turn red...his voice quivers...) Yaad rakhna kutton, ek din isi gaon me aakar subko dekh lunga, chun chun ke marunga, chun chun ke marunga.....

    3.(Situation : Kasturba is on her death bed, Gandhi is sitting beside her)
    Kasturba: Ek vachan do mujhe, tum doosri shadi karoge.
    Gandhi: Ye kya kah rahi ho Kasturi, bhala tumhare bina ji paaunga main?
    Kasturba: Mujhe kuch nahi malum. Aaj ye vaada karo mujhse. Tabhi chainse marungi main.
    Gandhi (tries to smile): Are pagli, is umar me bhala mujhse shadi kaunkarega?
    Kasturba (laughs naughtily): Bas karo ji. Itna umar ka khayal hota to us Meeraben ke peeche pagal na hote tum...
    Gandhi (suddenly realizes that the conversation is taking a dangerous turn...): Achcha ab tum baat mat karo. Doctor ne mana kiya hai...

    4. (Situation : Gandhi declares his umpteenth indefinite fast)
    Kasturba: Aji sunte ho? Khana taiyaar hai...
    Gandhi: Maine kaha naa ! Nahi khana hai mujhe khana..
    Kasturba: Dekhoji ! Khane ne tumhara kya bigada hai? Do rotiyan kha lo aur phir jaha, jana hai chale jao. Main rokungi nahi. Aur dekho aaj maine tumhare liye gaajar ka halwa banaaya hai...
    Gandhi (looks tempted): Achha tum kahti ho to kha leta hun.

    The committee suggested that a songless and danceless movie will never sell.
    Following dance sequences were suggested:
    1. A cabaret number by Huma Khan. This should be shown in order to depict the lavish lifestyle of the British
    2. A Choli dance sequence (preferably by Madhuri Dixit or Urmila).The situation will be cultural festival in Saabarmati Ashram).
    3. A dream sequence of Gandhi & Meeraben is desperately needed. The lyrics could be "Main meera tu Mohan..." or " Tu mera,tu mera, tu mera Satyavadi no 1."
     

 

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